10 Reasons to see ‘Piranha 3D’

Posted by Jon Wiener on August 22, 2010

In the past couple of years, Hollywood has truly figured out how to convince the world to start going to the movie theater again.  What’s responsible?  The advances in 3D film technologies.  Avatar kicked it off and there are many movies on the horizon that are ready to blow our minds (fuck yeah, Harry Potter!!!).  I just walked out of Piranha 3D, and holy shit…they did everything right.

The film was slightly reminiscent of box office bomb, Club Dread, which was wildly underrated.  Club Dread was campy, gory and hilarious…but it was only in 2D.  Enter Piranha 3D, which used every dimension to its best ability.  Here are 20 reasons why you should go see Piranha 3d immediately, if you haven’t already:

  1. Jerry O’Connell – O’Connell has been in movies and TV shows since Stand By Me in 1986.  He starred in My Secret Identity, one of my favorite TV shows as a child.  He’s married to Rebecca Romijn, which is the only straight way for a guy to get a taste of John Stamos.  In my opinion, he hasn’t impressed me since the early 90′s, but I honestly think he was the best part of Piranha 3D.  He plays a coked-up director of a Girls Gone Wild-type video series.  He nails it.
  2. Elisabeth Shue - Another relic from 1980′s pop culture super-stardom graces the screen in a true comeback role.  Shue kicks ass as the town’s Sheriff and mother to the film’s most central character, Jake.
  3. Eli Roth – making a surprise cameo, Roth plays a wet t-shirt contest emcee.  The prince of gore nails the part and provides the audience with a quick hard laugh that stands out from the rest of the jaw-dropping film.
  4. Jerry O’Connell’s dong – This film is filled with plenty of 3D nudity, but this part has to be seen to be believed.
  5. 3D nudity – Let’s all be honest, everybody is intrigued.  The nudity is fitting, as this is a classic teenage 80′s-style horror film.  It works.
  6. Paul Scheer’s sunscreened nose – How do you make a character funny?  A.) Put sunscreen on his/her nose.  B.) Cast Paul Scheer.
  7. Christopher Lloyd – Lloyd provides all of the necessary explanation of what’s happening with the Piranha, as he is the town’s local fish expert.  Nobody makes something sound totally insane the way Christopher Lloyd does.
  8. Adam Scott’s glasses – What can only be an homage to (the late) Roy Schneider’s character in Jaws, Adam Scott wears the exact same glasses as Schneider.  Don’t worry girls, they don’t make him any less handsome.
  9. Richard Dreyfuss – Matt Hooper lives!  Kind of.  It appears as if Hooper can get away from the great white, but his love of fishing is with him always.  Although it is never mentioned that this is his same character from Jaws, any fan will catch on.
  10. Ving Rhames – Needs no explanation.

I hope that’s enough to convince anyone to rush to the theater and throw on some 3D specs….unless you have a trip planned at a lake.

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